Thursday, September 22, 2011

Make it Work

It is quiet around the house these days. My parents left over the weekend and went back home to Manila, all the party clutter from a few weeks ago have slowly been washed, tucked, folded and kept and the house that withstood the tornadic wind of dinner parties and delivery boxes, premium outlet shopping bags, and a deluge of toys - is still standing. 

Breakfast for one. The cup that always makes my day.
And what had been months and weeks of preparing breakfast for six, is now breakfast for two. Mandarin and me. Somehow, I do enjoy the quiet moments and I am thankful for the bouts of clarity that come with it, but then on other days it is the very same air of quiet  that poses as the frenemy of an idle and vulnerable mind. I allow these emotions to filter through me with almost porous intent because I’ve learned that barricading them, brushing them off as insignificant, leads to major emotional backlog. 

It was probably one of the most difficult goodbyes I’ve had, crying spells and all that jazz.  All the more because of the time my parents spent with Mandarin. And I ache every time I am brought to the reality of how far we live apart, from my parents and my husband’s parents - so I tell myself - that’s just the way it is. C’est la vie. We’re here now and we’ll just have to make the most of out what we have. And be happy while we’re at it!

So, moving forward we took a break on Sunday and spent some much needed time with the family we are grateful to have here - cousins and a brother. An afternoon of burgers and BBQ and a petting zoo for kids was the perfect relief to a hot day. 



Britney? Gimme Gimme...



Befriending a Tortoise and what she would probably ask Santa for Christmas. 


Or maybe she'd like a pony!

On our way home I noticed The maple leaves of our tree out front, on cue, has started changing color. It’s leaves were fringed with ochre tones as if  sometime when we were all asleep the autumn hands of this season’s turning came and magically combed through it’s foliage.  We welcome this change and in fact even look forward to it. 

A few days before my mother flew back, I placed my vintage (handkerchief) bunting across the Balinese divider that we put up against a stark white wall. I asked her how it looked and wasn’t too happy with the faint whisper of disapproval she let out, which she followed through with “is it a fiesta?“  through a smile and a jaunty “but if makes you happy seeing it there....” 


Well.


It makes me happy seeing it there. It’s like a smile that flashes every time we enter the living room and although it might be a decorating disaster to do so, I find that it brightens up the room. And yes, it is fairly festive in here but only because there is always something to celebrate; especially in the minutia of things. 

There's always something to celebrate. 


The sense of wonder that we all should never lose. 
That’s me making the most out of it. 

Monday, September 19, 2011

Happy Birthday, Baby!

I Scream! You Scream..we all know how that one goes. As far as ice cream parties are concerned, our little vintage parlor for Mandarin’s birthday turned out better than I expected. 


Homemade ice cream cake pops! Whaaat?
We drove to our party place as early as they’d let us in to set up what seemed to be an army of details that needed attention to a tee. Paper pompoms. Check. Jars. Candy. Cookies. Chocolate. Sprinkles. Check!  

After months and months of planning, the ice cream parlor I had created in my mind was now spread out in all its sweet glory. The Neapolitan balloons I had ( partially ) designed turned out so good and looked perfect for each guest table.  The details that I had slaved over for months, weeks, and days, paid off in the three hours we had in our ice cream place.  

Mandarin was running on adrenaline, nap-less, and (I would imagine) hungry - because she didn’t want to eat, in fact too excited and distracted to eat except for a bottle of milk and that one marshmallow ice cream cone we gave her as a treat for her birthday, which as I would have expected she thoroughly enjoyed with sugary and sticky gusto. 


It was bittersweet; the party. It seemed like the culmination of a full year marked by infinite beginnings and endings that move you forward into better and brighter adventures. The fine line that some parents say mark the point where babies turn into toddlers. 

But she'll always be our baby. 

Much of the sweetness of the day was a taste beyond our little toppings spread and rainbow sprinkles and more from a family full of love.



and loving friends



and laughter 




and cake



and the best cousins 


and aunties who love her dearly 





A mama who would do anything and everything for you - including getting crafty for your party (and bake which she's NEVER done before. Ever.)




A Dada who would pull the moon closer to your window just so you can see it better


and girlfriends 
(We would also like to introduce: The "Wow" face)


and (assisted) jumping photos!

The day you were born...silly girl!



And that smile. She makes us all so incredibly happy. That smile lingers in you like a flurry of butterflies that tickles and giggles and flutters about - like being in love. 

Saturday, September 10, 2011

One and Overwhelmed

When my family is here (visiting), I allow my heart to expand to its fullest capacity to make sure that all needs are met, all requests are granted and all days are happily spent. And while it is extremely rewarding it is also just as exhausting - with a one year old nonetheless that has the sugar rush energy of a candy bar.  
MY ONE YEAR OLD!
I'm so proud of her! ♥
Amidst the joy of having Mandarin turn one so many things go into a day with her that I need to remind myself to be present. 

Which now, as I write the word present I am brought into this moment of being with her and realize it is the next best gift (after a mother's love) I can give her. To simply be with her without having to split my mind into a thousand multi-tasking drones. 

Because when days feel like a routine-heavy program with no override command and thus cannot be disabled, I can easily lose a day in schedules. Wake. Play. Puree fruit for baby.  Breakfast. Feed. Dishes. Laundry. Bath time. Nap. Prepare Lunch. Eat. Dishes. Diapers. Head out with visiting family. Play. Coffee. Diapers. Milk. Dinner. Diapers. Sleep??

Never mind if you’re tired or have a headache or that you’re not getting enough sleep at night because for some odd reason Mandarin wants to climb and lie on top of me in the middle of the night  or deflate Daddy’s left lung  with high kick, mid-snore at 4am. 

Be present.

Such, is the joy of co-sleeping. I do constantly get to smell her, which I LOVE (because i’ve been addicted to her baby scent since birth). And I do love waking next to her.

That's right. Be present. 

Still, in spite of it all, off day or not there are priceless rewards. In the way Mandarin responds to my parents, how she loves them and the quiet and loud moments they share together. And in the way she makes them laugh. That’s priceless. There goes my heartstrings. Pulled past sappy sentimentalism. 

Then there is THE party. Today at 1pm! The birthday party which I am terrified no one will show up in because no one rsvp’s anymore and even if I’ve estimated an X amount of guests and ordered an X amount of food I somehow feel I’m in for a surprise. I am lost in the rambling details of party trays, decorations, japanese tissue paper, tape and glue. 

Thank you, Vintage Ice Cream Parlor idea for driving me waaay past the delineation of crazy. I have a few hours to execute my daughter’s first birthday party. I’m excited to celebrate with friends and family and a little anxious because I’ve never held a party with so many details before - and not as important and meaningful as my daughter’s.  

The small calm oasis in me tells me that it should all be good. Keep calm and carry on. On the flip side and as an offshoot of this party I do have two DIY posts lined up! Coming up soon  when if  sanity settles back into the household. 

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Mandarin Turns ONE!

It’s 12:01 am and as I write this we are only three and half hours shy of my little girl turning a year old!  She is sleeping peacefully next to me in her light blue polka dot and sundae print  pj’s, and probably doesn’t even have a clue how far she’s come in the past year.  She is sweet and loving, vibrant and full of life and unexpectedly funny. What a personality she has for such a young age!  She has grown so much in a year’s time; I am in awe of how much she’s taught me about life - being present in the moment and savoring the small things (more lessons learned with her than all the Zen books I’ve ever read).  As she’s learning to cope with the fast-paced world that surrounds her, I am in turn learning how to slow things down to be in the moment with my Mandarin.


First picture!
A Birthday Photo!

Because as every parent would say. They grow so fast. 


My Dad trying to catch a glimpse of his first grandchild! 


We adore you. 


I used to read this poem aloud to her throughout my pregnancy. Every time I did, I’d think of how her tiny heart was beating inside my belly and how the miracle of life has made it possible for two hearts to beat in a single body in the shared rhythm of motherhood and pregnancy. I know she felt my words as I read it aloud to her. 


i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
                                  i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

- e.e. cummings

We became a family.

And my heart. She has it. She doesn’t know it yet, but  it is she that carries my heart now.  I’ve given it willingly so my love will be with her all her life. Always. 




Happy Birthday, my LOVE. You are my sunshine - the light the brings me joy. 
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